The Struggle is Real
A while back, I saw a post in a private Facebook group that I’m in. Someone turning 45 asked for words of encouragement and how others may have navigated what they’re going through.
They didn’t want the usual midlife crisis cliché responses, but real perspective on the feelings they were wrestling with: disappointment, fogginess, fear, and a heavy sense of life lacking purpose or meaning.
They also felt like a failure because they didn’t see themselves “amounting to much”.
I read through some of what others were sharing and didn’t see anything like what I’d share from my experience and perspective, but I wanted to consider before responding. Later, I wrote something offline, but when I was ready to share, they had removed their post.
I filed away what I wrote, but came across it as I was about to write a newsletter. The original response I wrote was more condensed, but I think it’s worth expanding and I’ve added some formatting and titles. I’m sharing this version for anyone also feeling lost, stuck, or pressured to “find their purpose”.
Dear Friend,
Very few people come into this world with a clear, unwavering vision of their life’s purpose. Even if they did, that “clear vision” usually becomes cloudy and distorted.
We live in a culture that tells us we must have a purpose, be special, and chase our dreams. At the same time, hustle culture demands we always have a plan so we can “make it” and be happy, fulfilled, and successful. Add in the toxic positivity and manifestation hype, and it’s easy to feel like you’re doing something wrong if you haven’t nailed some grand purpose or mission yet.
We absorb beliefs from family, friends, and society that cloud our inner guidance. We take on the idea that we’ll be safe or “make it” if we follow these prescribed paths. Then we spend time, energy, and resources chasing plans that don’t fit us and never seem to work, or leave us feeling empty and exhausted.
That creates a low-grade, persistent “purpose-anxiety” that builds up over time and it’ll drain you on all levels
Walking Out of Zombie Mode
I’ve had times when I had clear goals about my education and a career plan, and although it was hard work, it was “simple” because I could just keep doing the next thing on that path. But after hitting those goals, I spent a couple of decades in what felt like zombie mode and working 60 hours a week, mostly dissociated, and just going through the motions. “Success” didn’t feed my spirit, and I felt cloudy and disconnected.
Around 45, I started asking myself, WTF am I doing here? What’s my purpose? What’s my plan? I felt empty, foggy, and overwhelmed by a sense that nothing really mattered – and that I didn’t matter. The best I could come up with was, “I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing, but I don’t want more of this.” The hard part was that I was so exhausted that I couldn’t even imagine “what else” life might look like.
What I’ve Learned – and Keep Learning
It’s been almost 20 years since then, and I’ve spent a lot of time trying to uncover and diminish the effects of belief systems that are based on conditioning and others’ expectations. What I’ve realized is that you don’t have to define yourself by a purpose or a plan. You’re here to learn, grow, and experience life. That’s purpose enough and you don’t have to follow anyone else’s plan.
I find it helpful to look for meaning in the small, everyday things. Not the “everything happens for a reason” kind of meaning, but the kind that shows up in how you tend to yourself, how you show up for others, and how you care for your own environment. Sometimes, that’s enough “purpose and meaning” for now. It’s a gentle place to start unwinding from the grip of hustle culture.
Give yourself some space from the pressure to have a special purpose or path. That space is where your own inner guidance can be heard and show you the next step that’s for YOU.
So much of what clouds us is the bullshit we’ve absorbed from a culture obsessed with how we “should” do life. We internalize impossible standards and expectations and end up comparing ourselves to the privileged, highlight-reel narratives that make us feel like we’re falling short. It’s how we lose OUR “plot” because we’re following someone else’s storybook path.
When I’m feeling cloudy or lost, I try to be more compassionate with myself and say:
- It’s ok that my purpose is to be here right now.
- I don’t have to have a plan or figure everything out today.
- I can give myself some space and time to tune-in and listen for an aha moment, or just clarity about the next small step.
Sometimes, that’s enough. Sometimes, that’s everything.
Your “Purpose” Can Start With Making Your Own Meaning
You’re not failing. It’s a challenge and it’s radical to let go of conditioned beliefs that your life must follow a certain script, that you need a prescribed plan to create meaning, or that you require some special purpose to justify your existence.
You get to define what’s meaningful to you. And meaning isn’t something you have to find; it’s what happens when you focus on what matters to you, today.
It takes practice to unwind from conditioned expectations so you can envision something else. Make your practices simple to discover what’s your truth. For now, let that be your “purpose”.
Don’t measure your worth by others’ expectations and standards.
Give yourself some grace and some space to tune in to what you and your spirit actually need.
Meeting You Where You Are
I offer Clarity Sessions to help you reconnect with your own inner knowing and Spirit Team, and to bring some insight and ease for your next steps.
Whether you’re looking for quick answers to specific questions or a more in-depth exploration, these sessions are guided by your Spirit Team to bring you some clarity, guidance, and energetic support for whatever you’re facing.
I’m here for whenever you need the extra support.
💖Angela
